Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Make Me Proud

“Education is your ticket outta here, boy,”
. Momma said.
“You gotta fight your way out, you know that, right?”
. She wasn’t very good at fighting herself,
. so I did the fighting instead.
I chucked fists and stories across the playground and the desk since I was seven,
. knowing I’d have to fight to get myself heard
. on both levels.
I wasn’t no runt, but I wasn’t no giant neither;
. informal boxing lessons took place during recess every day
. in the corner where no teachers could see.
I wasn’t no retard, but I wasn’t no genius neither;
. formal writing lessons hit me hard
. but I learned to hit ‘em right back
. with a story that made Miss Johnson
. the new young teacher
. fresh outta teacher school
. say,
. “This is good. Really good. Tell me more for extra credit.”
And I did.
. I got that extra credit.
. And lots more since.
Grades went from D’s to B’s to a smattering of A’s
. and since I survived to make it to high school,
. I got an offer from a college
. and a scholarship for the wrestling team too.
So I took the Greyhound to upstate and hung out in run-down dorms
. and a sweaty gym
. and stuffy classrooms
. and an underworked mind.
. I got a lotta workouts there.
I got letters from my Momma,
. she said she was fine and told me to work hard, to make her proud.
. Her handwriting was shakier every time, though.
But I listened to my Momma and I worked hard.
I took the classes, got the credits—
. the same credits the fancy kids from downtown got,
. surrounded by their trust funds and their designer label jeans.
I got those credits,
. surrounded by second-hand binders and cheap textbooks
. which say the same thing as the expensive ones from the shiny campus bookstore.
I’ma keep slinging words across a page until I can get them outta here
. ‘cause even though I gotta go home and take care of my Momma
. words don’t have no responsibility
. except to
. fly.


Poem copyright Rachel Antonoff 2009
Submissions: Writing contest, 5 August 2009. (Deadline: 10 September 2009.)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Waitress: A Script

[Enter. Pour water.]
Hello! How’re we doing tonight?
I’m doing great! My name is Rachel, I’ll be your server tonight.
We’ve got Happy Hour specials going until eight o’clock—today, it’s half-price all specialty drinks.
Can I get you something to drink other than water?
A Pomatini and a Miller Lite coming right up.
[Exit.]

[Enter. Set down Pomatini and Miller Lite.]
Here we go. Do we know what we want to eat or you need another minute?
No problem! I’ll be back in a few.
[Exit.]

[Enter.]
All right, what’ll we have?
Great choice! The New York Strip Steak is phenomenal here. [Pretend you’re not vegetarian for a minute.] How well done would you like it? Medium? Great. And for you, sir?
Filet Mignon, and how well done would you like that? Well? Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they don’t burn it. It’ll be just right. Any sides? Sure, you can share the spinach, not a problem.
Let me get these menus out of your way.
[Exit. Return menus to the hostess stand.]

[Enter. Refill water.]
You’re welcome.
[Exit. Wait in hot kitchen until the bell rings and the food is ready.]

[Enter carrying three plates. Stop by the server stand to throw steak knives onto the plates.]
New York Strip, medium, and Filet Mignon, well, but not burned! And a side of steamed spinach. Anything else I can get for you? How about another Pomatini, since that one’s almost empty? Sure thing. You want another Miller Lite, sir? Sure, you can switch to Yuengling, no problem. I’ll be right back with those.
[Exit.]

[Enter. Set down Pomatini and Yuengling. Pick up empty martini and pilsner glasses from the first round.]
Anything else I can get for you?
Great, enjoy your meal!
[Exit.]

[Enter. Refill water.]
How is everything here?
Great.
[Exit.]

[Enter. Refill water.]
How is everything here?
Great.
[Exit.]

[Enter. Refill water.]
Can I interest you in any desserts? We’ve got carrot cake, chocolate cake, and New York style cheesecake—all three are delicious, I can give you my personal guarantee of that! Sure, which two would you like? Chocolate and cheesecake? Excellent choices. Let me get these plates out of your way. Would you like drink refills? Sure, I’ll bring them with the dessert.
[Exit. Clear plates. Pile them awkwardly but carry them gracefully to the dishwasher. Wait in kitchen for desserts to be done.]

[Enter, carrying two dessert plates, two dessert forks, and two drinks. Yes, it is possible.]
All right! Pomatini and a Yuengling, chocolate cake and cheesecake! Here are some clean dessert forks for you. Anything else I can get for you? Sure thing, enjoy!
[Pick up empty glasses. Exit. Bring empty glasses to the dishwasher.]

[Enter. Refill water.]
How is everything here?
Great.
[Exit.]

[Enter. Refill water.]
Anything else I can get for you? Sure, I’ll be right back with it.
[Exit. Print the check.]

[Enter. Place check in the center of the table to avoid offending anyone with assumptions about who’s paying.]
Here you go. No problem.
[Exit. Wait a few minutes. Clean other tables.]

[Enter. Pick up check. Swipe credit card. Return with credit slips and a pen.]
Here you go! Thank you very much, and have a great night!
[Exit. Check on other tables. Wait until they leave.]

[Enter. Pick up check, stick it into apron pocket. Clear dessert dishes and glasses. Drop them off at dishwasher. Grab a wet cloth. Wipe down table. Sweep up the crumbs that fell onto the chairs. Set new silverware rolls and water glasses on the table to prepare for the next table. Return to computer to finalize check.

                Tab:    67.82

                Tip:     7.18

                Total: 75.00


10.5 percent?? Really? Fuckers. I deserved at least fifteen for that prompt service. I have rent to pay, you know. Dammit… ]

[Exeunt.]

Monday, June 1, 2009

Biphobia

"Sir, I exist!" said the Bisexual to the Universe.

The Universe raised its eyebrows,

looked around,

                   and asked,

                  "Did you hear something?"

 

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Bubble

Who’s to say that what you call the

           “real world”

is any less real than

           my dreams?

Have you seen them?

           felt them?          

                      tasted them?

                                      been in them?

Perhaps I’m waxing solipsist

           but you don’t know any more than I do

so shut up and let me enjoy my bubble until it pops of its own accord,

because you can’t prove that it’s any less real

          than yours,

because you can’t prove

           anything,

                      really.

Bubbles are just physics,

           surface tension,

                      really.

But you value science,

           do you not?

Why do you sing science’s praises

           but claim my bubble is any less real?

My bubble is my world,

           and it’s as real as yours.

      Yours is a bubble, too.

                You just think more people live in yours.

                            The greater the weight inside the bubble,

                                       the more pressure placed on the surface

                                                  and the more likely it is to

                                                                                                         pop.

Oops. There it goes. Sorry about that.

 

Who’s the fool now?



Monday, April 20, 2009

Yom HaShoah 5769/2009

Today is April 20, 2009.

Yes, it’s 4/20 and therefore the pot-smoker’s annual holiday. But this year, 4/20 is something bigger. Much bigger.

For the first time that I’m aware of, today marks two opposing, yet intricately related anniversaries.

By the Hebrew calendar, it is the 26th of Nisan. On the 27th of Nisan every year, Jews commemorate the Holocaust with Yom HaShoah (the shortened name for Yom HaZikaron laShoah v’laG’vura, Day of Remembrance for the Holocaust and Heroism). Jewish holidays start on the evening before the holiday; therefore, tonight at sunset, the 26th of Nisan, 5769, at 7:50 pm, Yom HaShoah will begin.

Coincidentally or not, on April 20, 1889, exactly 120 years ago today, a man named Adolf Hitler was born. The very same man who is now infamous for spearheading the Holocaust—and who is still revered in neo-Nazi circles as a misunderstood visionary leader.

Those of us who are Jewish will be doing a few things to mark the day. Some will go to or participate in twenty-four hour name-reading events, in which speakers volunteer to stand at a podium from sunset tonight until sunset tomorrow night and rotate speaking into a microphone, reading names off a list of every known person who died in the Holocaust. Some will go to memorial services at synagogues or public gathering grounds. Some will hold silent candlelight vigils. Some will sit at home silently and mourn and remember. I will be lighting a yellow yahrtzeit candle, the candle for mourning which burns for twenty-four hours: yellow for the color of the armband my grandparents and great-grandparents had to wear when they were in Germany at that time, twenty-four hours for the duration of the day from sunset to sunset, two sunsets to symbolize the ending of life which came all too soon to six million Jews and three million other victims of the Nazi death machine, not to mention the brave soldiers who died on the front lines and the innocent civilians who were in the way of the bombs dropped in the effort to defeat the Third Reich.

The irony that I will be lighting a candle for mourning on Hitler’s birthday is not lost on me.
What would have happened if, a hundred and twenty years ago today, Mrs. Hitler’s midwife had ‘slipped,’ and the baby boy was stillborn? The genre of Alternative History has explored this question and its variants to no end; authors such as Turtledove have explored the other end of the spectrum as well, if the Nazis had won the war. These “what if” games may be fun mental exercises, but they don’t change the history. Millions of people died. That’s a fact. Hitler was Chancellor of Germany at the time. That is a fact. Hitler led the effort to exterminate the Jews. That’s a fact. However, anti-Semitism was not his invention; it had been growing in Europe for decades prior to Hitler’s rise to power. That, also, is a fact. Perhaps the Holocaust would have happened with or without him. We’ll never know. There’s one Alternative History tale in which a girl goes back in time, becomes Hitler’s nanny, drowns him in a river when caring for him. She’s proud of herself for saving the world—until time passes, and another man rises to power where the opportunity arose and the exact same events occurred, merely attributed to a different man’s name. There’s no way to know.

What I do know is that anti-Semitism is still alive today. While I will be mourning my mother’s family, skinheads around the world will be celebrating the anniversary of their beloved leader’s birth. While I will be lighting a candle, they will be fueling the fire of hatred around the world. While I will speak a prayer in Hebrew, they will deliver loving eulogies of the man who inspired them and whose memory keeps them going in their effort to cleanse the world of us.

One fact that I like to point out is that Shoah, the Hebrew word for the Holocaust, doesn’t actually translate literally to “holocaust.” In English, “holocaust” can refer to more than only the occurrences in the late 1930s to early 1940s in Europe. The word has a denotation of burning and destruction, and a connotation of sacrifice or of having a purpose for a greater good; for instance, there can be a holocaust of trees if the trees are being burned down en masse—with a slight connotation that the trees are burning for a reason, whether that be to help fertilize the ground and return minerals to the earth through natural processes or a religious sacrificial ceremony of a culture. The word “shoah” in Hebrew means roughly “the great tragedy.” It doesn’t mean holocaust; it’s not meant to. The Hebrew rejects the sacrificial connotation of the word “holocaust.” Six million Jews died, many of them burned as the literal definition of “holocaust” in English would imply, but it was not a sacrifice. There was no higher purpose to the death and destruction, to the ending of lives in every walk of life from the unborn to the elderly, to the ripping apart of families, to the trauma that those fortunate enough to survive have dealt with every day since liberation. No, instead, the event is “the great tragedy.” Just as we in English name “the Great Depression” and know exactly which depression the speaker is referring to, despite the fact that there have been many economic depressions throughout history, a Hebrew speaker hears shoah and instinctively knows which tragedy is being spoken of.

There was some talk of moving Yom HaShoah to a different day this year. The Hebrew calendar is lunar, and therefore does not align with the solar Gregorian calendar which we use here. Yom HaShoah, and every other Jewish holiday, falls on a different day of the Gregorian calendar every year. Traditionally, Yom HaShoah is always on the 27th of Nisan, but it has sometimes been moved a day or two when it coincides with the Sabbath so that proper commemoration ceremonies can take place in traditional communities who will not light candles or use electronic devices (such as microphones used to read names) once the Sabbath has begun. The concept of mourning our dead while others celebrated the man widely credited with being the cause of their deaths appalled some people—but ultimately, it was decided to let it remain on the same day. We are not ashamed to mourn our dead, no matter what else may be going on in the world.

One hundred and twenty years is the number of years since Hitler was born. It is also the number of years which Moses lived. The traditional blessing one gives to another on someone’s birthday is, “May you live to be a hundred and twenty like Moses.” Let us all be grateful that Hitler did not live to be a hundred and twenty. Let us hope that on Hitler’s 120th birthday, those who idolize him will see that we, those of the Jewish faith, are people, and that we are a people in mourning, and that we will never forget what was done to us, and we will never let it happen again—to us, to others, to anyone. Jews have been one of the most politically active groups in combating the genocides in Bosnia, in Rwanda, in Darfur. At 7:50 pm tonight, I will light a candle—I ask you to join me in doing so, wherever you are, if you feel so inclined. I will say a Hebrew prayer, but more importantly, I will say two English words. This is our motto, and tonight, we have double the reason to emphasize:

Never. Again.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Tending Bar

The bottles lines up behind me
   labels facing out, pourers facing left,
   necks reaching up
The customers talk
   to me,
   at me,
   around me,
   rarely (but sometimes) with me
I smile, I ask, they answer,
     I pour
   liquids in pretty colors
     into
   glasses in pretty lines
     topped with
   garnishes with pretty shapes.
An entire culture
   with expectations, customs, games,
     and attempts at getting by
   built upon this
    pretty poison.
I facilitate
   bonding,
     escapism,
       relaxation,
         enjoyment,
           addiction
   without a second thought--
and I wipe the bar clean
   for the next one.


Info:
Editing status: Unedited. Very unedited.
Composed: 20 October 2008
Submissions: None
Inspiration: I recently started bartending, and it fascinates me, everything that goes on at a bar--and how often I have to go without noticing it because I have to focus on bringing in money for the bar and for myself.

Telling the Hours

Twenty-four hours in a day
    Eight for sleep
    Two for gym
    Six for class
    Five for study
    Eight for work
    Two for nourishment
    One for play
    Ten for love
Oops.
     The numbers don't add up--
I never was all that good at math.

Info:
Editing status: Unedited. Very unedited.
Composed: 20 October 2008
Submissions: None
Inspiration: I'm always so busy and never have time for everything I need or want to do. I've been considering reconsidering my priorities so I can shift my commitments around, but haven't had the time. Case in point.